“I have a bone to pick with you.”
I had been stuffing my laptop back into its bag after the talk. I turned around and stared at the well-dressed gentleman in his mid-fifties. He had been in the audience on the right. His eyes drilled into me.
“Following your dreams is selfish,” said the man.
I had been speaking to a group of entrepreneurs and business folks about my new book, Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters. Its overarching message: live your dreams before the clock runs out. In my talk, I say that our dreams are the engines of our hearts.; that they reflect the essence of who we are; that we must live our dreams if we are to live at all.
“Well, I must respectfully disagree with you,” I said.
I was about to say that, if we are to live fully, deeply and well, we must pursue what brings us joy; that when we live in joy, we bring our best selves to the world. I was about to say that, in order to serve others well, we must first be whole and complete in ourselves.
But before I could get another word out, the man asked, “What about Beck Weathers? Weathers nearly died! Think of the hardship he caused his family, all because he dreamed of climbing Everest! How selfish can you be?”
Weathers, a pathologist, was involved in the ill-fated 1996 Everest debacle. Left for dead after a brutal storm high on the mountain, Weathers staggered back to high camp and was later airlifted in a daring high-altitude helicopter rescue. He lost his nose and parts of both feet.
I told my listener that the Weathers accident was unfortunate.
I wanted to tell him about my friend Chris whose life slipped away in my arms after a head-on motor vehicle accident on an ordinary Sunday afternoon on a clear stretch of road not far from where I live. I wanted to share with him the story that Joan Dideon tells about how her husband died as they sat down to dinner. “Life changes in an instant, in an ordinary instant,” she says. (And it does.)
I wanted to tell him that we cannot give what we do not have; that in order to share the fullness of life, we must first know the abundance of life; that in order to share joy, we must find joy; that in order to give love, we must first love ourselves; that in order to reflect peace, we must first know it in our hearts.
I wanted to tell him that life is short; that life is risky. But that even in the face of risk, we are challenged – indeed we are called – to make our lives extraordinary.
And to be extraordinary means expressing – and, yes, sharing – the very core of who we are in the world. Without compromise.
He was in a hurry though. He said his piece. And off he went.
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hmm. this is feeling like an apples to oranges thing. I understand what your critic was saying… because I have thought the same way… BUT, after some reflection, I think that you two- (the guy and yourself) are talking about apples and oranges: you are talking about building and nurturing the individual soul… and he is talking about the soul in community. They are not mutually exclusive but, in your book and other writing, Walt, you focus on the individual first. What this guy seems to be doing is looking to the next step.. to the way that the individual ( actualized or not) participates in a greater arena- the arena of community.I see that your “argument” is that unless one cares for oneself first, then one is not able to give all to community/society/others as fully and productively as they can.(put on your own airplane oxygen mask first before helping your neighbor)
From a theological perspective, I could add that it wasn’t very long that Adam walked the earth before the Creator decided that Adam needed a partner. We are created to live in community and to care for each other. That’s an “orange.” I see the focus of your work as building up the individual. That’s an “apple.”
Am I on the right track?
PS: Maybe the “orange” story- the individual in community- could be your sequel! After all, you didn’t climb all those mountains alone.
I often wonder why it is people mistake taking responsibility for your life as being selfish. In reality, it is the most prudent thing you can do, because you simply cannot give to another what you don’t have yourself.
Not everyone is ready to hear this message, and how beautifully you honored and accepted that.
Thank you for stepping up, stepping out and sharing so much of your beautiful soul with the world!
Sharon
Sharon, thank you for your kind words and affirmation. Sometimes it seems like we are voices crying in the wilderness. When we are whole and complete, our light shines in the world and the good we can then do is immeasurable. I am grateful for the time you took to write. Walt
This is so beautiful, Walt. Such a great reminder that our dreams are not selfish or frivolous but are actually our souls calling us to be what we are meant to be. Thank you!