During a job interview, a client of mine received a phone call. She answered.

A realtor friend told me that his broker expected him to answer every phone call he received, regardless of what he was doing; and, in no event, should he ever take more than 9 minutes to return a call.

The general manager at the hotel we stayed at took a phone call in the middle of a conversation we were having about my reservation.

We were at one of our favorite restaurants. Five women came in and sat down at the table next to us. Every one of them pulled out their smartphones and began to talk or text.

It is the paradox of connection: that the more our technology allows us to connect, the more disconnected and fragmented we become.

Research in the field of interruption science shows that, following an interruption like a phone call, it takes us (physiologically) 25 minutes to refocus. On average, most of us experience interruptions every 11 minutes in the day. Which means that, not only do we feel like we can never catch up, we never really can.

On top of the stress and overwhelm caused by living in a state of continuous partial attention, there is a huge relational cost. (You know how you feel when someone you’re with answers the phone or sneaks a look at a text.)

The young interviewee (of course) didn’t get the job. When my realtor friend takes a phone call while showing a property to a client, he dishonors both relationships. The general manager at the hotel couldn’t possibly take care of two guests at once. And the women at the table next to ours missed out on the opportunity to connect with one another.

So consider these ideas as possible ways to reconnect with yourself and those around you:

• Voice mail exists for a reason. Use it
• Turn your phone off when you are otherwise engaged
• Don’t slap your phone down on the table at the restaurant; it tells your colleagues you’re already distracted
• Don’t sleep with your phone; it’s toxic and depleting
• Have a smartphone-free dinner (or weekend!)

When you’re in a conversation with a client, be in that conversation. When you’re on the phone, be on the phone. When you’re with your friends and family, be with your friends and family.

Relationships fuel our businesses (and our lives). Our real presence, our complete attention: these are the most powerful gifts of our humanity.

Do one thing; and then the next. And if I call, you don’t need to answer.